the usual suspect: intro to keyser soze

this is an intro to keyser, aka keyser beans, aka the beans, aka kai (as you will learn or may already be privy to, each mammal has 436 names besides the one on their collar tag). first of all, keyser is a standard poodle. jj has a serious aversion to poodles of any variety (which i believe it to be a serious and nearly unforgiveable character flaw). i have an obsession with poodles of any variety. fundamental miscommunication prior to our union that has caused many a rift. regardless, my next point: poodles are people. jj refuses to acknowledge and respect this fact. keyser is so smart, stealthy, sneaky and scientific in his operations that we never actually see him committing his crimes. but we see the aftermath, the evidence of a rampage, the carnage trail that he leaves behind. (his tell is that he sits pointing his little furry finger at pj, because pj doesnt give a sh%t). keyser is a thorn in jj's side, a bane of his existance, the cause of much melodrama, injury and the foulest of foul language. words and phrases that until keyser prompts jj to utter them have never been uttered by humans before. new curse words that can only be imagined and vociferated by one driven to insanity by an act of keyser. drive past our house sometime, you will undoubtedly hear jj cursing to the heavens, and you can simultaneously increase your vocabulary. but look at his sweet sweet face... all he wants is a kissie on the lips.