add another to the list

poopeater that is. one of jj's hugest peeves about our pets is their affinity for feces... (fitting tho, since he himself has a fecally obsessive mental condition...) new addition Charley was recently caught in the act of consuming what we like to call "apples." jj will jump for joy. in his boot. (this photo is a re-enactment, no actual apples were consumed in the course of this phototaking. i wouldnt subject you to such a sight.)

Moxie Crimefighter and Gypsy aka Puddy

clarification

i just wanted to clarify that jj counts as a mammal.

in case there was any doubt.

notice the red evil eyes. i think he's a sub-species of bat. i think this also because of his bat-shaped patch of chest hair.

E True Hollywood Story: The Truth Behind SockHands

go look at jj's blog. you will see very quickly that he is deranged and unstable. this is what i live with. you will also notice he refers to himself as sockhands. more evidence of his instability? not quite... he will say it's evidence of the fact that i am the queen of his domain, and that he is my puppet and i am his puppetmaster (and i'm sure to bolster this assertion he told you some dumb story about his raggedy hands and that i made him wear lotion-infused spa gloves for a week before i'd let him anywhere near me - i feel sorry for you that you believed him. he's not even a convincing liar, you should have seen right through it). the truth and fact: jj just really really likes puppets, for whatever reason... i dont ask questions regarding these things... sock puppets count as real puppets (although in my opinion they do not, they are at best a sub-species of puppet). for jj tho, a sock puppet doesnt even have to have oogly googly eyes, or even eyes drawn on with a bic. just a plain old sock and good old fashioned imagination will do. the most disturbing thing is that he lets them sleep in our bed. imagine waking up staring into the blank face of a white tube sock.

the usual suspect: intro to keyser soze

this is an intro to keyser, aka keyser beans, aka the beans, aka kai (as you will learn or may already be privy to, each mammal has 436 names besides the one on their collar tag). first of all, keyser is a standard poodle. jj has a serious aversion to poodles of any variety (which i believe it to be a serious and nearly unforgiveable character flaw). i have an obsession with poodles of any variety. fundamental miscommunication prior to our union that has caused many a rift. regardless, my next point: poodles are people. jj refuses to acknowledge and respect this fact. keyser is so smart, stealthy, sneaky and scientific in his operations that we never actually see him committing his crimes. but we see the aftermath, the evidence of a rampage, the carnage trail that he leaves behind. (his tell is that he sits pointing his little furry finger at pj, because pj doesnt give a sh%t). keyser is a thorn in jj's side, a bane of his existance, the cause of much melodrama, injury and the foulest of foul language. words and phrases that until keyser prompts jj to utter them have never been uttered by humans before. new curse words that can only be imagined and vociferated by one driven to insanity by an act of keyser. drive past our house sometime, you will undoubtedly hear jj cursing to the heavens, and you can simultaneously increase your vocabulary. but look at his sweet sweet face... all he wants is a kissie on the lips.

slowly taking over the world

animals are, in jj's world. at least he did grow up knowing what an animal is; he had a golden retriever and a persian cat and had been to the zoo on several occasions throughout his childhood. but when he started dating a girl who owned 5 horses, a 14 year old frog, 3 dogs, 2 cats, and hordes of various fish/hampster/short-lived nameless mindless animals, he seemed to think that he could escape total animalization virtually unscathed. sadly sadly mistaken. This is an introduction to the animalization of jj... her name is Rosanna.

how can someone so little have so very much to say??

with even MORE to say than jj, which sounds crazy and improbable i know. but believe it. this is the boo-man. show him some respect.

how can someone so little have so very much to say?? (someone get this boy to a buffet...)

the truth is that in real life, jj is the straight man to my comedic genius. however, this dynamic is lost on paper... it's revealed that he in fact is the wittier. the more witty. the better writ. rote. go read his blog, you're wasting your time here reading mine.

but i warn you, he's quite long winded.