booooooooo.

i was going to pretend i hadnt talked up the jj visit to ohio and promised all those pictures and whatnot, and just move on to more ridiculous animal postings... but i suppose i owe at least a comment on the fact that there are ZERO pictures of jj from the weekend in ohio. is it because he wasnt really here?? could he really tear himself away from the motherland and holy rocks for 2.5 days to enter the heat and humidity and surround himself with cornfields and flatness as far as the eye can see?? i guess we'll never know for sure, as there is no photographic evidence to prove or disprove... :( i know, you're soooo disappointed. we all wanted to see pictures of jj with all the different kinds of poop. i'm sure you'll get over it after several sessions with a counselor.

sad state of affairs for climbing in ohio

probably a good thing jj's in the boot... or else he'd make me go here: John Bryan State Park (check out that choss, jj would love it). top roping only, bouldering strictly prohibited. which means jj would get arrested in ohio. again.

for your entertainment try checking off rules jj would break while climbing here:
Guidelines for use of Rock Climbing Areas
-All climbers and spectators must register at the park office before going to climbing area at John Bryan State Park. Each Climber or spectator must take a registration tag from the board upon registration. If no tags are available, you must wait until someone checks out. tags?? what the hell is this, a ski resort??
-All climbers and spectators must have their registration tag on their person in plain view while in the climbing area. Registered climbers and spectators must also have their copy of their evidence of registration on their person while in the climbing area. jj climbs half naked... i dont want to know where he's going to stash all this documentation...
-All climbers and spectators must check out when finished by returning the registration tag to the board at the park office. Other climbers may be waiting for you to check out so they may register to climb. jj wont check out for 2 reasons: hordeing the area to keep others from climbing there, and because he'll be in too big of a hurry to commence with pizza/beer consumption
-Climbing is permitted only at designated sites. Each site is limited to a maximum of 10 people at a time. on first point: designated area schmesignated schmerea. on second point: jj travels with an entourage of at least 28 people carrying 32 pads.
-Climbers must be top roped at all times. No Lead Climbing or Bouldering.
Secure to anchor bolts only. No tying to trees. WHAT? NO TYING TO TREES? what about climbing the trees? plus, top roping is for sissies. you cant expect a stud like jj to comply with that rule...
-All climbing sites must be vacated at sunset. Climbers must check out before park closes 1/2 hours after sunset. oh boy... jj never gets out of ANYWHERE before sunset... he wears no watch, has no internal clock, and doesnt CARE for such things as hours of the day. plus, he usually leaves something behind that he has to go scampering back into the forest to retrieve (with his pad still on his back just in case he gets jumped by a mountain lion...)
Practice Environmentally Conscious Climbing: well, jj does love the environment...
-Minimize trips to the top. ok, you've all seen the boot... jj's not afraid of heights. he LOVES heights.
-Do not top-out. Lower down instead. perhaps this rule could have saved jj from the boot. alas, his greatest enjoyment in life is derived from standing on the top of a boulder, pounding his chest, waving his fists in the air, and stomping around like a monkey declaring victory over nature and his general "better-than-you-ness"
-Minimize the distances you travel from the cliff to avoid vegetation. jj LOVES taking the long way over a short distance, to enjoy the natural surroundings... i refer to it as getting lost... (plus, jj doesnt avoid vegitation - how many times has he asked chuffer what poison ivy looks like???)
-Leave the area cleaner than it was when you arrived. possibly and probably the only rule jj will leave unbroken. unless you count the excrement he'll leave behind... and i'm not even talking about the dogs...

more excitement for jj

jj will be taking an exotic trip to the farmlands of ohio for 4th of july... where he will be campusing the boot of doom around this new and exciting area: Vertical Reality (MUST be cool with that kind of name...). Heres the beta on how to get there: "Vertical Reality Gilboa Stone Quarry Located 15 miles West of Findlay, Ohio off State Route 224. Upon reaching Gilboa, turn left at the 10' cow to pick up old State Route 224, then turn right onto Old State Route 224. Go 1/4 mile and you are there." Wow. jj's kind of directions.

Vertical Reality is not just a climbing gym, it's a vertical xtravaganza! it also features a "Breakaway window for Tactical Entry"... imagine the many uses for that kind of skill???

sadly there are no pictures on their website... it must be choss. jj will TOTALLY love it.

THE FINAL COUNTDOWN

to jj's further submersion... he will be coming to Ohio and will subsequently find himself knee-deep in various types of excrement (which i have previously stated is his "favorite"). dont worry, an in-depth photojournal will follow.

los tres amigos

where the heck is el guapo?? probably off smoking cigarettes and dropping f-bombs... oh well. pictured (left to right) are dusty, lucky, (then lambie but he doesnt count), and ned nedelender. cant you see the little balls??

mox n jams

moxannika and pj-jammerman - hot hollywood couple of the year.

alternatively: Two A-holes messin up jj's bed.

Da Boo

dis is da boo.

dis is da boo and his pineappoe.

da boo LOOOOOOOOVE his pineappoe.

he LOOOOOOOOVE to put da pineappoe onto jj. it's his favowit thing.

It may look like da boo is sleeping. but dont you dare touch that pineappoe. unless it is to throws it for da boo, so dat da boo may goes and gets it, and put it on you. and poke it. and poke it. and paw at it. and whine a little. and then sleep on it.

PJ

the wrath of the animals upon jj's broken foot: there have been several incidents of "evil" committed by "freakshow" keyser (as jj calls him), however i maintain that keyser does no evil to jj on purpose, but merely as an effect of his attempt to garner love and affection and kissies on the lips. he just happens to trip jj to the ground in the process. however, this innocent little gray kitty has evil in his eyes, you can see. in jj's words: "after my shower, i was brushing my teeth when the cat came in. suddenly, he flipped to battle mode, wrapped all appendages around my bad ankle and proceeded to head-butt, then bite me DIRECTLY ON TOP OF THE FRACTURE. i yelped and he feared for his life. i will hunt him down later this evening and effectuate the end of his being."

score: pj 1 jj 0

(PJ - Pearl Jam - Jammers - The Jam Man - Jammies. PJ is the second animalizer of jj. we had moved to Colorado only weeks earlier, and already i was feeling lonely and needed something to cuddle (the bobanna smells too bad to cuddle, because of all the chainsmoking...). i dragged an unwilling jj all over the north end of denver in search of the perfect nonshedding cute cuddly needy kitty. pj got rescued from an unsavory place, totally flea infested and with killer ringworm all over his entire body, and was brought home in a cardboard box, with his fist symbolically punching up through the top and shaking in the air like a freedom fighter. needless to say, kitty with fleas and ringworm and a penchant for freedom didnt make a good cuddler!! hence the need for further animalization...)

jus chillin wit ma hoe...

gypsy.

she's sleeping.

that's all there is about that for now.

jasmine loves kathy griffin

she likes watchin tv in general... her fave's are kathy griffin and will and grace. this particular day she was psyched because it was 24 hour kathy griffin marathon day on bravo. i think she needs a beer...